I know how scary it can feel to get together with a group of women and talk about the intimate, gooey, dark, personal parts of yourself. Before I started my journey I was judgmental, jealous and had a deep rooted belief that I thought was fact, that I couldn’t have what all these women had, healing and sisterhood.
I deeply and secretly wanted it, craved it. But I just “knew” that it wasn’t for me, that I would never be “okay” enough. I watched women go to retreats together, talk about their experiences with one another. I watched women gather together for workshops, classes, and support groups. I listened to women talk about how they felt less alone when they heard the stories of another woman.
I remember going to my first little event watching, hardly speaking. Feeling out of place, raw and uncomfortable.
But something happened,
a woman Julie shared that she would have a reoccurring nightmare about the man who raped her. She told us the details and she cried and the women in this group didn’t recoil, they didn’t shame her, they allowed her space to share, to feel her feelings.
They sat with her as she cried, they asked if she would like a hug, they respected her request to not be touched. And while hearing what she had to say was difficult in that moment I had never been so grateful for vulnerability. It was the first time in my life when I felt like I wasn’t alone.
It took me many years to understand what being in community with women really looked like. What it meant for my own wellbeing, for the collective wellbeing of all of us.
So while it may feel scary and terrifying, it is sacred, it is healing to come together with other women, it is incredibly special.
Something that we must work on collectively and individually are listed before. With some small insights into how to process them. We are greater together. We are more when we are taking care of each other.
Curiosity > Judgment
Every time you judge another woman you are keeping yourself isolated. Every time you judge another woman you are deepening the distance between you and them.
When we get curious we stop judging.
Collaboration > Competition
Trying to get the same man, competing for attention amongst friends, having the “better body” or fighting for the same client or job. The competition is endless. It’s been ingrained in us.
Because we didn’t want to be in competition with our friends when we were little girls, we would dim our light, afraid of outshining each other because that might have us lose a friend or be cast out from the group. Either way, we would lose.
We must collaborate with one another, celebrate one another. We have no need to compete with one another.
Vulnerability > Hurt Feelings
Hurt feelings come from unmet expectations. Hurt feelings come from where you are seeking love. A part of you that didn’t/isn’t feeling validated. Maybe you felt like your feelings didn’t matter. Maybe you felt like your heart was stepped or stomped on.
When we become vulnerable and own our emotions our relationships alter drastically.
Example: I felt [insert emotion] when you said or did [insert action/words] it reminded me of [past event this is bringing up] I’m curious as to what was going on for you when you did/said. I don’t want to make assumptions.
Satisfaction > Jealousy
Being satisfied with what you have, who you are, in the body you are in will serve you far more than being jealous. Each bit of jealousy you feel is a window into something that you want or crave. Each time you are jealous of the money another woman has, the love that she has, the perceived success, her friendships, her body, there is something there that you want that you are not meeting for yourself. You can go after whatever you want, you can do and have whatever YOU want.
Facing your jealousy is brave as fuck. Questioning your jealousy with curiosity and understanding that its a window to your own desires is so important.
When we face these things with ourselves and with our fellow women we begin to open up space for MORE fucking love and more compassion.